Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
