remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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