dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
