He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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