her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
