I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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