I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
