Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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