sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
