I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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