just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
