Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
