yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
