SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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