so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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