i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Girls should come with a carfax report
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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