loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
