I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
