He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
