god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
