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It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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