Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
