It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
