They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
