Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
