Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
