Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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