I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
