So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
