well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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