You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
