I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You left your phone here
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