I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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