i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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