i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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