I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
