Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
