I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
