unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
