she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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