on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
