FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm always down for nudity.
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