Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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