So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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