$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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