What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
