my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
