She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
