remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
