Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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