I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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