high people should be assigned attendants
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
