I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
