I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
