He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
nutella sex= disaster
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
